A Different Kind of Life
by Cutieqtpie
Summary: Chapter 6 finally up! Sorry it took so long. Please review!
1. Default Chapter

This story is possibly the strangest thing I've ever written. If you've read all my other stories, you might get confused because this is very different from any other style I've used over the years. It is written completely from Abby's point of view including her thoughts and everything. Anything that is not dialogue is being thought of by Abby. It took me a long time to write this, but I've already written the first two chapters, so they should be posted bing bang. I just got my computer back from Gateway on Saturday and I spent all day today dealing with the morons at my schools computer lab and trying to load all my files onto my computer. Needless to say this took me a really long time and also included a lot of prayers since I wasn't 100% sure I had all my stories on disks before the computer crashed  
  
For those of you who do not like this story: I'm sorry. Go read some of my other stories and maybe you'll feel better.  
  
For those of you who do like it: Thanks! And look for more chapters coming soon!  
  
When I pulled away from the kiss, I could not speak. I could not even look at John. I turned around and went and sat in the corner of the room, like a child who had done something wrong. Even though it felt so right when it was happening, I knew it was the wrong thing. I was still struggling with my alcoholism and Carter was.well.Carter.  
  
That was six months ago.  
  
Now I am with Michael, who I met a few weeks after the lockdown. He is not a doctor, a nurse, a desk clerk, or anything else in the medical industry. Maybe that's why I love him. He has met a few of my friends from the hospital, but he is not in my day to day life which makes it less complicated. I thought I never wanted to be married again. I thought that maybe I was too complicated for any man to deal with. That was before Michael.  
  
He has no baggage. One night, after we had made love, I sat in bed and thought about the past men in my life. Richard had made me feel like I needed him, and in the process had used me in all aspects. Luka had not really needed me at all. He was too caught up in his own problems. John was probably the only other person who I could possibly have connected with. Maybe that's why we were such good friends. We understood each other. We didn't pity each other, or tattle on each other, we let each other talk and then helped solve the problem. Michael doesn't know about who I was. He knows I have been married, and he knows I was in a difficult relationship a couple years ago, but he doesn't know about Carter, or about my mother, or, most importantly, about my abortion.  
  
All of this is why I agreed to marry him when he proposed to me three days ago. It does seem like a short time, but I need to get on with my life. It seems like such a sporadic thing for me to do, but I really feel like I am doing the right thing for once in my life. We decided to have a small ceremony in a few weeks. Nothing exciting or over the top. I wanted to invite my best friend, but I knew that wouldn't be possible because I know my best friend is in love with me.  
  
Right now I'm sitting with Susan in a bridal shop looking at wedding gowns. I wasn't really going to go through all this, but Susan insisted, so here we are. Richard and I got married at the courthouse by a judge. Neither one of us were too religious, and he didn't think it was necessary to drag a lot of people we didn't know into our lives. I always imagined somewhere in the back of my mind that Luka would propose to me. In the wee hours of the morning when he was sleeping with his strong arms around me, I would think how safe it was to be like that. I thought that was what I wanted.  
  
A salesgirl knocks on the door to the dressing room and brings me out of my daydream. She wants to know what I think of the latest dress that she's handed through the door. I think it's hideous. Susan agrees and made a face.  
  
"Do we have to do this today? I'm just not in the mood." I whine.  
  
"You're getting married in three weeks. Unless you want to go in jeans and a t-shirt, you need to find something to wear quickly." Susan responds. I guess she does have a point.  
  
"What's wrong with jeans and a t-shirt? I think that's a good idea." My reply causes her to roll her eyes.  
  
"Over my dead body." Susan sticks her tongue out. "There are other stores in Chicago. We can grab lunch and then just go somewhere else."  
  
"Can't we just postpone til tomorrow?" I groan.  
  
"Fine. But we're getting lunch anyway!" I nod my head as I attempt to get out of this latest dress. Unfortunately, as I tried to step out of it, I took a bad step and went flying over. I thought it was funny, I really did, but Susan didn't look quite as amused. Twenty minutes later, we're sitting at a little café a few blocks away.  
  
I'm not exactly sure when Susan and I actually became friends. Maybe that sexual harassment seminar was the beginning. She told me once that that was the night she and Carter broke up. She never actually said it was because of me, but I could see it in her face. She doesn't mind so much anymore though, and we never actually talk about him. No one knows about what happened the night of that lockdown, except the two parties involved.  
  
My thoughts are interrupted once again by Susan asking me something. I look up and realize she knows I wasn't paying attention to her.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Are you sure? You seem distracted."  
  
"No. I'm fine. This whole thing is just happening so fast." I attempt to smile.  
  
"Well this whole thing was kind of your idea."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You could always postpone it for a couple months." Susan suggested.  
  
"No. I can't do that to Michael."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"I love him." Even though I try to convince her and myself of this, I cannot look her in the face as I say the words. Thankfully we are interrupted by the waiter coming to take our orders.  
  
"I had this date with this guy the other night."  
  
"The lawyer?"  
  
"Yeah. Trey."  
  
"How was it?"  
  
"Fun. We went to dinner and a movie."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And what?" Susan said innocently. I raise my eyebrows at her. "He was very sweet. Kissed me on the cheek at my doorstep."  
  
"And then?" I know her track record. Why? Because she always tells me.  
  
"Well I felt guilty that I had been trying to find something wrong with him the entire night."  
  
"Oh god.you didn't?"  
  
"Come on! You would have done the same thing if you were in my position." I can see Susan is going to get defensive and there is nothing I will be able to say to redeem myself.  
  
"Well how was it?"  
  
"Good." Susan is now starting to blush. "Really good. Really really good."  
  
"Too much information!" I groan again as she smiles.  
  
"But do you know how long it's been?"  
  
"What about that bartender from the Lava Lounge?"  
  
"That never happened." Susan shook her head. "And he was way too young for me."  
  
"Trey is young too." I feel a need to point this out.  
  
"Well so is Carter but we aren't talking about him!" Susan giggles.  
  
"You're not planning a bachelorette party are you?" I ask, changing the subject quickly.  
  
"Of course! What other fun do us single gals get?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. The reception!" I raise my eyes.  
  
"It's different though. There's no strippers at the reception!" Susan's smirk is starting to scare me.  
  
"No! There's aren't going to be any strippers at any part of this wedding."  
  
"You're no fun." Susan is pouting and I can see that I'm not going to get anywhere with this.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Just one stripper?"  
  
"Uch, I'm not talking about this with you."  
  
"Fine."  
  
I should realize that something is wrong with me. I'm not in the mood to get married. I don't want a dress, I don't want a wild party, I just don't want to deal with all this again. I'm really not even sure what I want anymore. I wish I could just go somewhere, have someone else make all the plans and then come back and get married. If only it were that simple. 


	2. Just Let Me Know

When I first told my sister the premise of this story, she told me I was nuts and a carby traitor and stormed out of the room. Not to worry though my little carbies. I have not gone out of my mind. You will enjoy this story if you just keep reading. Actually, this chapter first introduces little traces of carbiness, but I don't want to hint anything or say anything I shouldn't. Hehe. Please review! ************************************************************************ I am walking down the isle. I have my big white gown on and a big veil over my head. After it seems like a mile that I've been walking, I finally get to where my husband-to-be is standing with the minister. My brother turns to me and smiles and lifts the veil and puts it behind my head. The groom is turned towards the minister and is smiling and I see him laugh as he turns to face me. All of a sudden I stop dead in my tracks and scream..  
  
"Ahhh." I sit up in bed and realize it's 3:24 in the morning. I look over and despite my outburst, Michael is still asleep beside me.  
  
"I need a shrink." I say half out loud and half to myself. Michael rolls over and makes a noise and I just stare at him. That was the strangest part of the dream. The face I was looking at right now was not the face of the man I was marrying in the dream. ************************************************************************  
  
A week later I'm starting to feel a little better about things. I'm almost downright chipper as I make my way into the hospital. As I skip into the lounge, I realize someone else is sitting on the couch reading a newspaper. I ignore him and go to my locker and open it.  
  
"Hey." He acknowledges my presence.  
  
"Oh, hi." I smile and nod and pretend like I hadn't seen him before.  
  
"We haven't talked in a while." He wrinkles his forehead, but doesn't look up from his paper.  
  
"We don't really have anything to talk about anymore Carter."  
  
"I heard you're getting married. Congratulations." I'm too much of a coward even to face him as he says this.  
  
"Uh, thanks." I mutter quietly.  
  
"Well my shift is starting, I gotta get out there." He folds up his paper and puts it down and stands up. He turns once more however as he reaches the door. "I hope you're happy Abby, I really do."  
  
My knees turn weak and I have to grab onto the locker door to balance myself. Thankfully he has already left so he doesn't notice. A second later the door opens again though and for a brief second, I think it's going to be him, but its actually Susan, who I know has already been on for several hours.  
  
"Hey, I thought I saw you come in. What's wrong?"  
  
"Uh, nothing." I attempt to compose myself.  
  
"Okay. Well Kerry's pissed off about something or another and the charts are starting to back up, so I'd get out there if I were you. Have you seen Carter? I need to ask him if he'll cover my shift next weekend."  
  
"Isn't this a little in advance?"  
  
"Well yeah, but I figure I better ask early before everyone else does."  
  
"Oh, well he left here a couple minutes ago."  
  
"What happened with you two?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You guys were really tight and now you aren't inviting him to your wedding and you barely talk to him anymore. Did you have a fight or something?"  
  
"No. I just.I don't know.he." I'm grasping for the right words but nothing is coming to mind. I'm saved as the door swings open and Kerry comes in.  
  
"You two need to get out there right now. Quit wasting time."  
  
"I just got here."  
  
"I don't care. Did you get a look at chairs? The patients aren't going to heal themselves."  
  
"Geez." Susan mutters and rolls her eyes at me as she leaves.  
  
"Abby wait a minute." Kerry calls out to me as I follow Susan. "I need you to pick up an extra shift this week. I know you're probably busy with preparations and I understand, but in order for you to get time off, you need to first get a minimum number of shifts for the month."  
  
"Okay, just tell me when." I nod and finally make my way out of the small lounge. Apparently I'm just in time for a trauma, which just happens to be coming through the ambulance bay doors as I exit the room.  
  
"Give me the bullet." Carter says, coming from the front desk towards the paramedics wheeling the gurney.  
  
"Eighty six year old woman. She was rear-ended on her way to her primary physician. Paramedics brought her in with her daughter. She's in the next rig. I got this one." Susan says and points him out the door. Already seeing two nurses with the first trauma, I go outside with John to wait for the second.  
  
"You should come." I break the silence. He looks over at me with a questioning look. "The wedding I mean. If you don't have other plans. I was meaning to invite you, I just wasn't sure if you'd want to come."  
  
"You don't have to invite me."  
  
"No. I mean it. You should come." I must be out of my mind. Why am I pushing this? The doors to the ambulance open. "Just let me know." ************************************************************************ 


	3. Feelings of Confusion

This is possibly one of the longest chapters that you will find in this story. It's also one of my favorite chapters. Hehe. This chapter will be posted Thursday morning, because I don't want to get moving too quickly by posting while I'm writing this Wednesday night. I'm really looking forward to tonight's episode! I keep hoping Maggie will somehow find out about Carter and Abby either by calling early in the morning and Carter answering the phone or Maggie showing up while Abby is brushing her teeth and Carter is in his boxers (this was my sister's fantasy who just wants to see Noah Wyle in boxers). Well whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be good. Enjoy this chapter! Look for the next one either late Thursday night or early Friday morning. ************************************************************************ Another week has passed and I am sitting in a room full of people who I don't know. They are also known as Michael's family. I've only met his parents and his brother, so the rest of these people are total strangers to me.  
  
"Honey, this is my aunt Rita." He is introducing me to yet another aunt. I smile and shake her hand and gasp as she pulls me into a hug.  
  
"I'm just so happy for the two of you." She smiles and she's on her way. Michael wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head.  
  
"You okay?" God, has he noticed it too?  
  
"Of course." I force a smile.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I know." I sigh and pray this night will be over soon and it will be two days from now and this wedding will be over with.  
  
"Come on. I have to introduce you to my two favorite cousins."  
  
"I thought the last two were your favorites?"  
  
"No, I only tell them they're my favorites. Marco and Carla really are the best." Forty-five minutes later I am totally overwhelmed until I finally see a familiar face appear at the entrance to the restaurant.  
  
"Susan, thank god you're here." I say, and rush over to her.  
  
"I got here as fast as that damn cab driver could get here. Those people aren't the drivers they used to be. I need a drink." We walk back into the main room and Michael comes walking over to us carrying three drinks.  
  
"My hero!" Susan says as Michael hands her one of the glasses.  
  
"Only the best for the maid of honor." Michael leans down and kisses her on the cheek.  
  
"Carter was in a really bad mood. I've been trying to get out of that damn hospital for nearly two hours." Susan downs the liquid. "Oh, and he said to tell you he wouldn't be able to make it on Saturday. You didn't tell me you invited him."  
  
"Yeah, it was sort of a last minute decision." I look up at Michael who is giving me a questioning look. "He's one of the doctors at the hospital. I've known him for a long time but I wasn't sure about inviting him."  
  
"Oh. Well it's your wedding too, you can invite whoever you want."  
  
"Michael, you have single guys in your family right?"  
  
"A few. You want me to hook you up?" Susan nods and I know she's going to be falling down drunk by the end of the evening. Michael lets go of me and leads Susan off to introduce her to the eligibles. I watch them walk away and then I feel a tapping on my shoulder. I turn around expecting to find another one of Michael's cousins wishing us luck, but instead it's my mother.  
  
"Hey Mom." I hug her.  
  
"I want to talk to you."  
  
"Right now?"  
  
"Yes. It'll just take a minute." I let her lead me outside onto the veranda. We sit down on the small bench there.  
  
"I can't believe my baby's getting married." Maggie starts.  
  
"I have been married before." I feel the need to point out.  
  
"I know, but I wasn't there that time. I just want to tell you no matter what that I love you."  
  
"No matter what?"  
  
"No matter what. I don't care about Michael, or Richard, or Luka, or even John. I only care about you and I love you and I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy."  
  
"Why doesn't anyone think I'm happy?"  
  
"Everyone's just trying to look out for you. For your well-being."  
  
"What is it? Do you not think Michael's good enough for me?"  
  
"Oh honey, you know that's not true. I adore Michael, just like I adore anyone you're with." We have both started to cry by now.  
  
"Have you ever done something you thought you regretted but then realized you never really regretted it?" I need to ask her this question and I lean my head on her shoulder and she moves a piece of my hair that has fallen into my face.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I kissed John." I finally have said these three small words that haven't been uttered out loud for six months.  
  
"When?" Maggie's hand has stopped moving.  
  
"In May."  
  
"Before you met Michael?"  
  
"About a week before."  
  
"Well what happened?" Why was this replaying the conversation that we'd had the year before?  
  
"I got scared." That's an understatement. I totally freaked out.  
  
"Did you talk to him about it?" I shake my head which causes me to start crying again.  
  
"Did you tell Michael?" I shake my head again.  
  
"Did you tell anyone?" I shake my once more.  
  
"Do you have feelings for him?"  
  
"I don't know. I didn't, but then I did, and then I got confused. We were locked in the hospital during a smallpox outbreak and."  
  
"Honey, you need to stop, take a break and take a step back from your life."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You need to think about what he means to you."  
  
"John or Michael?"  
  
"Both. Do you have feelings for John?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Because if you do you need to tell Michael because it's not fair to him to lead him on. Or you can just forget about those feelings and marry Michael anyway and be happy with him." I wipe away my tears and look up at my mother and I'm about to tell her the truth but someone comes through the doorway and interrupts us.  
  
"Hey, I thought someone said they saw you come out here." Michael grin fades when he sees me wiping my eyes. "What's wrong babe?"  
  
"Uh, nothing." Maggie saves me by standing up and going over to future son- in-law. "We were just having a little mother-daughter talk."  
  
Maggie leads him back into the main room as I relax back down onto the bench. I guess this is supposed to be my "alone thinking time." How am I supposed to decide something like this? It's not just like choosing what flavor coffee to buy. I was never blessed with good decision making skills. That was definitely proven by Richard. What I need is a sign. An intervention from someone watching over me letting me know what to do. I look into the sky hoping that maybe that will inspire something. Good going Abby.  
  
"Oh my god." I whisper in amazement just as a little white flurry floats tenderly down and lands on my nose. I hadn't realized how cold it was. It seemed like it had been sunny and warm not but just a few hours ago. It would probably be a good idea to get my jacket. I finally stand up and walk back into the party. The music is blaring some nameless tune. I catch Michael's eye as I walk towards the entrance and in a matter of seconds, he is by my side.  
  
"It's starting to snow outside."  
  
"It's not even November yet."  
  
"Yeah. It's going to be a cold year."  
  
"Where are you going?" Michael only just seems to notice that I have my coat on and I'm walking towards the front door.  
  
"For a walk."  
  
"What about everyone here?"  
  
"Just tell them I wasn't feeling good."  
  
"What's going on with you?"  
  
"Nothing, just jitters, Really, I'm fine."  
  
"Well I'll go with you."  
  
"No. Go back in there and be with your family. I just need some air." He accepts this and leans down to kiss me on the lips. For some reason, my body turns my head so that instead he catches my cheek. I don't need to look at him to know that I have hurt him.  
  
"I'll call you later okay. And I'll see you tomorrow." I attempt to break this tension by smiling, but this doesn't seem to help Michael. I shove my hands in my pockets and grimly nod before walking down the steps and starting down the street. About fifteen minutes later I hear a car coming and I turn to the left to see if it's either Michael coming after me or if it's a cab. Unfortunately, it's not either of these things. It's actually a black limo whizzing along. I follow it for a couple of blocks and see it stop at an apartment building. A man steps out with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He has a traditional tuxedo on. This makes me think of one thing. I hear a car noise again and I turn and thankfully this time it is a taxi. I run into the street and flag it down. As I breathlessly open the door and sit down, the driver asks me where I want to go and there's only one place that comes to mind.  
  
"County General." 


	4. Strange Encounters

Haha - remember when I said this was going to be posted last week. Well that didn't exactly happen. I'm not even that sure why. I'm in the middle of getting DSL as I'm typing this.I'm just waiting for my dad to finish the download. Yay! Then I can be on ff.net all the time! Hehe, that'll be exciting. My Dolphins are kicking Chicago's butt on Monday night football, which is always a good thing. It's only ten o'clock right now, but I am really tired. I have a Spanish quiz and a United States history test tomorrow and I've been studying since I got home. It seems a lot later than it actually is. Okay, so that's enough of my babbling. God, somebody shoot me now! Anyways, enjoy this chapter.please keep reviewing! Thanks. ************************************************************************ About half an hour later we finally reach the familiar ambulance bay and I hurry to pay the driver before hurriedly getting out of the car. The temperature has dropped about ten degrees since I left the party, which is pretty amazing since it was already cold to begin with. That's Chicago for you. I pull my jacket tighter around me as I walk in the large doors and there is a whoosh as the cold meets the heat inside.  
  
"Abby, what are you doing here?" Randi sees me come in and yells across the crowded ER.  
  
"Uh, I just had to take care of something. Where's Carter?"  
  
"He just went on break. He said something about going for a walk. Wait, you're leaving?" I've turned around and am rushing back out the doors. I know where he's gone.  
  
Less than ten minutes later I get to the bench that we've been to together so many times. I don't see him at first because his head was bowed down and there were small snowflakes starting to land on his hair. My first intuition is to wipe them off, but that would involve touching him, which I know I can't do. Instead I quietly approach him. He doesn't even realize I'm there until I sit down beside him. Actually, he doesn't realize I'm there until I open my mouth.  
  
"Hey." I gently rub my hands together.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be getting married tomorrow?" There's no tone in his voice.  
  
"Yeah. I just wanted to sort things out with you first." He looks at me for the first time with a questioning face. I recognize this face. It's the same one he used the night Mark died six months ago. "I'm sorry about what happened. About us."  
  
"There's never been an us." His words are colder than the temperature outside.  
  
"I mean about what happened in the lockdown." For some reason I find myself becoming intimidated by this man beside me. This man who I used to be so comfortable with.  
  
"I kissed you. What do you want me to do? Apologize and clear your conscience?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well then what do you want me to do? Why are you here Abby?" He's getting angry but he has every right to be. Why did I come here? How can I tell him what I'm thinking in my head. God, why is this so hard?  
  
"I don't know." Great answer Abby. That makes a lot of sense. "Maybe I did want to make myself feel better. I don't know. I just didn't want to go away without talking to you. You're my friend and we can't ignore each other forever."  
  
"I've told you before, I don't need friends." Shit, he's standing up. I feel my legs standing up too and following him as he walks away.  
  
"Please don't walk away Carter." I'm pleading to talk to him.  
  
"No, that's what you do isn't it." I know that this is the end of this conversation. My legs won't move now as he storms off. I realize it's no use anymore. Suddenly I notice that my cell phone is ringing in my purse.  
  
"Hello?" I dig the phone out of my bag and answer it.  
  
"Where did you go?" Susan sounds just a tad annoyed.  
  
"I had to take care of something."  
  
"In the middle of your rehearsal dinner?" Yep, she's definitely annoyed.  
  
"Yeah, it was kind of important."  
  
"Well where did you go?"  
  
"I'll tell you later okay?"  
  
"Fine, whatever. Oh, what time do you want me to come over tomorrow?"  
  
"Whenever you can get there."  
  
"Okay. Um, I gotta go. And by the way, I love Michael.his cousin is soo hot!"  
  
"Don't get into too much trouble. I'll see you tomorrow." I hang up the phone and put it back in my purse. I look up and realize I don't know where I'm going. I had just been walking when I was talking to Susan. I think I'm still waiting for my sign from god letting me know what to do. I look down at my watch and realize it's almost midnight. I shiver and walk back in the opposite direction, towards the El. As I get onto the train, I sit down and let out a sigh.  
  
"Long day?" I look to my left and there is an old man sitting there waiting for a response. I'm not really in the mood to talk so I just nod and smile.  
  
"Were you at a party?" The man asks me, and I wonder how he knows this until I realize that I am in fact still dressed up from dinner.  
  
"Uh, yeah. I'm getting married tomorrow." I force another smile.  
  
"Well congratulations."  
  
"Thank you." I'm shocked to see I'm blushing.  
  
"I've been married four times."  
  
"Never found the right woman?"  
  
"Something like that." His face falls and I immediately wish I'd kept my mouth shut.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."  
  
"No. It's not your fault." I nod and face forward again.  
  
"You have to make sure you really love the person you marry. It's so important." I realize that he's still talking to me. "The first time I married the wrong person but was too late to realize it. The second time I married my best friend."  
  
I share his smile as he has this recollection, but then the train slows down and I realize it's at my stop. I start to gather my bag and my jacket. As the train stops, I stand up and turn towards the old man one last time.  
  
"This is my stop. It was really nice meeting you."  
  
"Wait, I never actually introduced myself did I? I think I'm losing my mind. Sam Klein." He sticks out his arm to shake my hand. I extend my arm as well and he grasps my hand.  
  
"Abby Lockhart." The doors open and he releases me. I give one last smile before exiting the train. I collect myself on the platform and realize it's gotten even colder than when I got on. Hurriedly, I go down the steps and walk the couple of blocks to my apartment. As I unlock the front door to the building, I sigh and am able to see my breath in the air. This concept has always entertained me so I do it again. Then suddenly I find myself laughing at the ridiculous image that I must be creating for people walking by.  
  
After about a minute, I walk in the door and shut it behind me. I walk up the flight of stairs to my own apartment and go through the same procedure as I did with the door downstairs. My first attempt to open the door doesn't go well, however, and I have to really put my shoulder into it. Finally the door swing open and I go inside. Wanting to get warm as soon as possible, I hop into my closet and quickly take off all my clothes. Looking around, I reach for my warmest flannel pajamas. I also pull out my heavy socks and slip them on and walk back into the bedroom. I pull the pillows off my bed and pull back the comforter. Going back to the bathroom, I quickly brush my teeth before slipping into the bed and pulling the sheets up around me. The thought that in less than 48 hours I will be married barely even crosses my mind for the first time in days and I close my eyes and gently fall into unconsciousness. ********************************************************************* 


	5. Confessions

This is turning into the busiest week of my life. I have so much to do before Christmas break starts on Friday and have absolutely no time. All of my teachers are cramming tests and quizzes and projects into about two and a half days. Ahh, life is hectic! I was somewhat disappointed with ER last week and now we don't get a new one until January. I like the reruns their playing though, so it shouldn't be too bad. I love "Beyond Repair" I think it's one of my favorite episodes ever. I will always remember the first time I saw it I started screaming at the tv. It's sort of like when Abby got beaten by Brian and I started screaming and my mom came running in and said, is someone hurt? And I Said "Abby is!" and I got in trouble...ah, memories. Hehe. Enjoy this chapter, it's leading into something good..THE WEDDING!!! Yay! Please review!!!  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The next morning I am awakened by the phone ringing loudly beside my head. I groan and pull myself up and stick out my arm in the attempts that somehow I will find the phone.  
  
"Hello?" I say groggily after I have finally gotten enough hand eye coordination to find the device.  
  
"You're still asleep? It's almost ten o'clock." Michael's semi-angry voice comes clear across the line.  
  
"I know." I finally sit up in bed and tuck my hair behind my ear. "What are you doing?"  
  
"My mother is making breakfast and I wanted you to come over too."  
  
"Uch, I guess I'll have to get presentable then."  
  
"Just throw something on and get over here." He sounds so genuinely sweet right now. This is why I fell in love with him. "I missed you last night."  
  
"I missed you too. I'm sorry I didn't call." He now has me really feeling guilty.  
  
"It's okay. Tomorrow we'll be married and you'll have to deal with me forever." I can tell he's smiling on the other end of the phone.  
  
"Well I have to go get dressed. I'll see you soon."  
  
"Love you." He says before hanging up.  
  
"You too." I hang up the phone and lay back on my pillow. A couple minutes go by and I realize I'm still on my bed so I throw my legs over and stand up. After turning on the television to the news, I quickly make the bed before going into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I hear the weatherman on the news and it's expected to snow more today. When I finish in the bathroom, I go into the closet to get dressed. My gown is hanging in the back with the plastic carefully protecting it. I run my hand gently over the smooth plastic before deciding what to wear. I decide on a pair of dark blue jeans and a black turtleneck. My boots, however, are no where to be found. Pulling my hair back into a ponytail, I walk towards the kitchen. My boots are sitting under the coffee table in the living room. I put them on after getting my heavy socks on too. Three minutes later I'm ready to go with my black jacket and my scarf around my neck on. I tuck my bangs behind my ears and I'm out the door. I've decided to take the El to Michael's mother's house, which is sort of on the other side of town, and then Michael can drive me back home.  
  
Today's experience on the El is a lot less eventful than the night before. In fact, the train is pretty much empty. The next thing I know, I'm already at my stop. I tighten the scarf around my neck before exiting the train. It's colder now in November than I can remember. It's not even Thanksgiving yet. This doesn't really surprise me though because a lot of things are different this year, and I'm not just talking about the weather.  
  
Pretty soon, I've reached Mrs. Angioli's house and I'm thankful because I can tell there's going to be a storm soon. As I reach out my hand to ring the doorbell, the door opens and Michael's smiling face ushers me in. He takes my jacket after a quick peck on the lips and leads me into the kitchen.  
  
"Ma, Abby's here." I smile as his mother gives me a big hug. We've gotten surprising close in the past couple of weeks.  
  
"Is it snowing yet?" She asks me as she gets back to her cooking.  
  
"Not yet. It looks like it could at any moment though. It's getting really cold." I roll up my sleeves and prepare to help.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? Go sit down. You're the bride, you're not supposed to be doing any work whatsoever." She shoos me into the family room of the house. Several minutes later, we're all sitting at the large dining room table where Michael's mother is telling stories about him from when he was little. This is a definite change for me since I've never had much of a family.  
  
"I am expecting grandchildren you know." Mrs. Angioli states loudly.  
  
"We know Ma." Michael responds, but I am somewhat dumbfounded. We've never talked about kids. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Uh, can I see you for a minute in the kitchen." I answer and stand up. He follow me and I shut the door behind us.  
  
"We've never really talked about kids before." I start.  
  
"I know and I'm not saying we have to have kids, it's just Mom's fantasy." He leans onto the island as I stay on the other side.  
  
"I haven't been completely truthful with you." I realize I'm going to have to tell him the truth.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Michael looks concerned.  
  
"I never told you because I didn't want it to interfere with us."  
  
"You're starting to scare me Abs, what's going on?"  
  
"My mother.Maggie.she's.well.she's bipolar." I finally manage to spit out.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She's been manic depressive my entire life. She's been on and off her meds for years."  
  
"But she's fine now." I can see he's confused.  
  
"No, she's not. She's just taking her medication." I sigh.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Oh god, now he's starting to get upset.  
  
"I told you, I didn't want it to interfere with us."  
  
"So why now? When we're getting married tomorrow?"  
  
"Because I'd feel guilty not telling you."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay?" Now it's my turn to be confused.  
  
"What do you want me to say? That I won't marry you because your mother used to not be on her medication?"  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
"Well then what's the problem?" He just doesn't understand. I can't even bring myself to tell him my deepest darkest fear.  
  
"Nothing. I'm fine, really. It doesn't matter."  
  
"Okay, you wanna go back in there?" He asks, gesturing towards the other room.  
  
"You go ahead, I'll be in in a minute." He walks back and I grab my purse and step out the side door to the steps on the front of the house. I sit down on the step and reach into my bag and pull out a cigarette and a lighter. I've cut way down on smoking since I started seeing Michael, but now it just seems appropriate. I take a long drag from the cigarette and watch as the smoke blows through the wind. After a few more puffs, I throw the cigarette onto the ground and stand up and step on it and the walk back inside. 


	6. The Letter

I've had such problems with ff.net recently. It said my account was frozen until the 27th.so while it may appear that it took forever for me to post this chapter..well actually it did. But here it is. Chapter 6. Please review! More chapters to come as I continue to write and write. Sorry if this one is a little short.it was either post it, or wait and I figured I'd just go ahead and post.  
  
*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*` *`*`*`*`*  
  
"Don't jump!" A voice laughs and I turn quickly, not recognizing it at first.  
  
"I didn't know you were working today."  
  
"I'm covering for just about everybody who's going to." Carter started to say, but then shrugs as his face falls. "I'm surprised Susan let you out of her sight."  
  
"I sort of just left.didn't give her time to react." I smile and take a long sip of my coffee.  
  
"Your hair looks good, it's pretty back like that." He motions towards my hair. All of a sudden, a steady beeping is heard. "It's the ER. I guess I have to get back."  
  
"Yeah, I probably have to get back home."  
  
"Good luck." John nods and starts to turn around, but then turns back. "Wait, I forgot something. I wasn't sure if I'd see you or not, so I stuck it in my pocket anyway."  
  
He digs into his coat pocket and pulls out an envelope and then hands it to me. He gives a small smile and then walks away. I look down trying to figure out what this could possibly be. I reach Susan's car and get in and shut the door. I turn on the engine and then gently use my finger to open the crème colored envelope. A single sheet of paper slides out and I see there is writing on just one side. Taking a breath, I finally start to read it.  
  
Dear Abby,  
I wanted to congratulate you on your upcoming marriage. I know a lot of people say this, but I want you to be happy. I don't want there to be hard feelings between us for things that happened a long time ago that either one or both of us regret. I don't want to upset you on what should be a happy day for you, but I just thought you should know the truth.  
We met over three years ago. I have to admit I was totally enamored by you even the first time I saw you. I'd been having a bad year, dealing with my family, my girlfriend, even Lucy. That Valentine's Day, when we were talking on the roof was the first time I had had a reasonably normal conversation with someone in a while. Later that night, my life changed forever, but you were still the one normal thing in my life.  
I wanted to run after you that night in the lockdown, but I knew to give you your space. You once mentioned a dance you do with your mother. We have our own dance. I tend to keep my feelings to myself, until I can't keep them inside anymore, then we grow apart until you amaze me somehow and we become friends again. I'm sorry, but I can't do this cycle anymore.  
I thought I'd tell you before word got around and you hadn't heard it from me. I'm moving to Boston. There are too many memories in Chicago and I figured its time for a change. I don't know if I'll ever come back so this is good-bye. I'm sorry it's not in person, but its better this way. Good-bye.  
  
Carter  
  
My hand immediately goes to my head as I re-read the last paragraph again. I have no idea what to do right now. I need some kind of sign. My cell phone interrupts my thoughts. The caller ID shows Michael's number. Please don't let this be my sign.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"I know we're not supposed to see each other, but I wanted to talk to you."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"My brother's house. I don't have to see you in person, I just want to hear your voice. Where are you?"  
  
"Driving around."  
  
"Driving where?"  
  
"The river."  
  
"You okay? Your voice sounds funny."  
  
"I'm fine. Look, I have to go. I need to get back to Susan."  
  
"Okay, I'll see you later. I love you."  
  
"I know. Bye." 


End file.
